Snapshots
by Melite
Summary: A series of vignettes - glimpses into Grissom and Sara's relationship GS
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI although I wish I did.  
  
Rating: PG-13 to be on the safe side for language and subject matter  
  
They come without warning, shattering the peace and disrupting the calm. There is no pattern to them, well not one that he can discern and no predicting when one will hit. He hates the nightmares and what they do to her. He remembers the first one he witnessed as well as he remembers his own name; the kicking, the thrashing, the unintelligible murmuring and the heart rending screams that marked the crescendo of the beast haunting her subconscious. He remembers the terrified look in her eyes when she finally jolted herself away from the insidious grasp of the demons in her dreams, the clammy cool touch of her skin and the dampness of her hair as he brushed it out of her face and stroked it in an attempt to soothe her. An act oft repeated since that first night.  
  
He can still recall the imperceptible shake of her shoulders as he wound his arms around her and pulled her flush to his chest. However, the one thing he remembers above else is the feeling of helplessness. He can protect her when she is awake, he can keep her safe and he can attempt to slay the dragons that wander in her path but he can't control her dreams. He is not a man taken to flights of fancy or irrational want but if he could have anything in this world, anything at all, he would wish to be able to prevent her night terrors. The only thing he can do, however, is comfort her the best he can but this often does not feel like enough. On the worst nights it is impossible to comfort her. Wiping away her tears becomes an exercise in futility. This is when he feels truly impotent. There is no greater pain than seeing someone that you love suffer and not being able to stop it.  
  
When he asked her what she dreamt about, she reminded him of a conversation they had not so many years ago. "You want to sleep with me?" the conversation began with this somewhat loaded question given the nature of their flirtatious relationship back then, a relationship that was sparking with sexual tension. He remembered being taken aback, not too sure how to answer her. It was not the first time he had been rendered speechless by Sara Sidle but this encounter was different. "That way, when I wake up in a cold sweat under the blanket hearing Kaye's screams, you can tell me it's nothing. It's just empathy.". He knows full well now that it's much more than empathy. Sometimes when the nightmares hit, he wonders which tragedy is invading her psyche this time – Linley Parker's, Pamela Adler's, Kaye Shelton's, Susanna Kirkwood's or her own.  
  
Yes, her own. It was not long after they crossed the line from being friends and colleagues to lovers when she revealed a little bit of her past in answer to the question of why she required so little sleep. She told him first of the nightmares and then told him of her own nightmare past, of the footsteps in the corridor outside her room that foretold his appearance and his warm breath tickling her ear, telling her not to say anything to anyone, that it was their secret and that no one would believe her anyway. She was sixteen years old, an innocent no longer after her brutal introduction into the underbelly of the world courtesy of a guest who thanked her parents profusely for a wonderful stay when he left a week later. She never did tell until that moment. He hates the poor excuse for a human being who did this to her. Bastard.  
  
He had hoped at the beginning that the nightmares might become less frequent with him sharing her bed, that she might feel safe in his arms. He realises now that it was just wishful thinking. She is too sensitive a soul to go home at night and bury the death and destruction she deals with everyday in a little compartment in her brain. She continues to live it. He worries that she will burn out, that this is not the right job for her. However, he knows that it would be futile to broach the subject of a change of career as she's too stubborn, too caught up in her job, too determined to make a difference, too determined to catch other people's rapists in what he suspects is the vain hope of burying her own ghosts. He is the only one that sees this side of her, the vulnerability, the tears and the naked fear. To most people she is Sara Sidle, owner of the death glare, sharp tongue, razor wit, wicked humour and that amazing, wonderful smile. He is the only one privileged with her trust and for that he feels truly blessed. He will be there behind her to catch her in case she falls. She probably won't, being cut from the same cloth as the greatest warriors, but he will be there regardless. 


	2. Sara

Disclaimer: See Ch 1  
  
Chapter Two  
  
The day that Grissom gave himself over to her completely is one that is forever burned into her psyche. The many times that she had fantasised about that very moment did nothing to diminish the wonder and utter bliss of the actuality. Sometimes she wishes that she could record every single little moment as she does not want to miss a thing. Sara had never been in love before, well never this deep and never so real so it is a new concept for her and everyday is like an adventure. It was a novelty at first, being able to kiss Grissom, to be able to stroke and play with his hair while he rested his head on her lap after a long day but now it is her life. It is her reality. She wasn't sure but she thought that perhaps thid was what heaven would taste like. Being with Grissom was like the scent of honeysuckle and roses on a warm summer evening and made her recall the day when she tasted ice cream for the first time. Cold at first, it almost burned her tongue but it was ever so sweet in the aftertaste. The initial sting was worth the result.  
  
She even loves the fights, strange but true. She cherishes every moment with him because she never knows when this might end, when she would be cast back out into the cold. She doesn't want to think about what it would be like to get this close to perfect happiness and then have it taken away from her. However she knows that fate can be cruel and that life has a propensity to change when you least expect it. Carpe diem, a cliché it is true but it is a philosophy that she has adopted having seen the wisdom in the phrase and it is a philosophy that she has employed in her relationship with Grissom. Take every moment and make it yours.  
  
She used to be afraid that Grissom would withdraw back into his cocoon, into his self imposed isolation. At the beginning of the relationship she used to fear that she would come home, lean in for a kiss and be rebuffed by the subtle turn of his head. She couldn't seem to shake the pain he had caused her since she came to Las Vegas and was unsure as to whether this was a sick development in the push-me-pull-me routine he had perfected over the course of her stay. She used to wonder whether she would ever become as important to him as he was to her or whether she was simply a distraction, something with which to pass the time. She can now laugh at her earlier insecurities because she now knows that Grissom's heart belongs to her. She sees a different Grissom to the public persona, a different Grissom to the introverted, serious scientist image that he likes to project. A Grissom for only her to know.  
  
She is, for example, is the only one who knows that Grissom has a sticker phobia and can't bear to peel the hated things off his daily banana. She is pretty sure that she is the only one privy to his Monty Python obsession and his secret love of Nicole Kidman. As trivial as they may seem she still stores these little nuggets of information like the jewels they are because she realises that each of these idiosyncrasies are what makes Grissom so uniquely him. She has also discovered what makes him tick, what drives him and what inspires him. She knows about his family and his upbringing in California. In fact there isn't much she doesn't know about him apart from what he has bought her for her upcoming birthday although she could take a guess. She had been dropping hints for the past month after all. She doubts she could put into words how lucky she feels to be party to his secrets. He is guarded, something she can understand so she feels truly blessed that he trusts her enough to reveal himself to her, warts and all.  
  
Lovers have come and gone but she has never had one has considerate as Grissom and this is another reason to be truly thankful. Her traumatic past and the nightmares that are the now corporeal embodiment of it have scared away lesser men. Grissom on the other hand takes it in his stride and although she knows that the intensity and ferocity of the night terrors sometimes scare him, he will always be there to wipe away her tears and to hold her until she feels safe again. He chases away the memories and for this simple act she feels forever indebted. 


End file.
